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How to give feed back

How to give feed back

NOT I BUT WE

1. Do I feel as if I’m part of a team? When I talk to my employees, do I use the words “we” and
“us” instead of “you” or “I”?
2. Is my primary focus on what’s good for me, or what’s good for my team or the company?
3. Do I need a lot of positive reinforcement, or are my team’s hard work and results enough
reinforcement?
4. Do I approach projects with an open mind – make my goals and expectations clear, then allow
my team to figure out how to accomplish them?
5. Do I engage in dialogues – not monologues – when I speak to my employees?
6. Do I view all meetings as opportunities for an exchange of information, not platforms for my
own opinions?
7. When I disagree with an employee’s ideas or methods, is my criticism constructive and
nonpersonal?
8. If I must reprimand an employee, do I do so in private, in a calm, low-key, helpful manner,
with a problem-solving rather than punitive attitude?
9. Am I sympathetic and helpful when it comes to my team members’ personal problems?

10. Am I even-handed and fair in my dealings with team members? Does each team member know
exactly what I expect from him or her?
11. Do I insist that any personal differences among individual team members be either ignored or
worked out?
12. Do I encourage members of my team to think for themselves, to express their ideas and
opinions, to take calculated risks?
13. Do I recognize and reward effort, not just results?

Proactive behaviour

 

In psychology, we use the terms ‘reactive’ and ‘proactive‘ to define different types of response to stimulus. These are the distinguishing features of reactive vs. proactive behavior. This article also explores the affect that reactive vs. proactive behavior has on emotional health.

Reactive Behavior behavior is typically behavior that occurs in response to a stimulus. Reactionary behavior is influenced by outside forces. For example, you believe that someone has wronged you or been rude to you, you ‘react’ by punishing or vindicating yourself. To ‘react’ to means that you allow someone else’s behavior or choices to guide your own actions.

Proactive behavior takes time to consider options and weigh outcomes. Proactive behavior is not controlled by outside stimulus (aka someone else’s behavior). To be proactive is to consider your options and make your decisions based on what you think is best for you at the time. Proactive behavior is also referred to as responding, rather than reacting.

Reactive behavior is generally spontaneous while proactive behavior requires some time and thought. When a person reacts to perceived insults, threats or actions he doesn’t like, it is usually done in haste and anger, giving vent to the first words out of his mouth. These people are described as reactionary. Proactive behavior takes an ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ attitude. Proactive behavior means choosing a course of action, not necessarily in response to what someone else has done.

When I am angered and respond with the first thought in my head, those words will be angry, vicious and vindictive. That’s pretty much the first response with most anyone. It’s our territorial animal nature coming out; a dog’s instinct is to snarl when her territory (or loved ones) are threatened. Even if the dog just sense danger, the hackles go up, the teeth are bared and growling begins. The message is clear. Do not mess with me. And there may be times when this response isn’t unhealthy. But if that is my reaction to every situation, I need to step back and rethink my behavior. Do I feel threatened or am I just annoyed? Am I habitually angry? Do I react rather than respond?

If you can separate in your mind, what someone else is doing from what you are doing, you will find it easier to plan your own actions. Making choices about how you will act in any given situation, independent of how someone else is acting, is ‘proactive’ and healthy. If you are like me, you don’t want someone else’s behavior or choices to dictate how you act. I want to plot my course of action for myself, not just in reaction to what someone else does or says.

 

2012: What's the 'real' truth?

Wayne W. Dyer

a message from Wayne W. Dyer
Friday, 25 May, 2012

Health, wealth, beauty, and genius are not created; they are only manifested by the arrangement of your mind—that is, by your concept of yourself, and your concept of yourself is all that you accept and consent to as true.
—NEVILLE

There’s a level of awareness available to you that you are probably unfamiliar with. It extends upward and transcends the ordinary level of consciousness that you’re most accustomed to. At this higher plane of existence, which you and every human being who has ever lived can access at will, the fulfillment of wishes is not only probable—it is guaranteed.

After 18 months in relative seclusion, studying, meditating, and literally experiencing what it’s like to live in this miraculous plane of existence beyond anything that might be labeled “ordinary” or “normal,” I’ve undertaken this joyous task of writing about…

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Goal Setting

Why Most Goal-Setting Fails byDarren Hardy

Here are five reasons why most people fail to reach their goals:

1. Wish List and Cross Your Fingers
You cannot simply write down a list of wants on New Year’s Day, stick it in a drawer for the rest of the year and wait around for your life to change.

2. Clear as Mud
Your goals have to be crystal clear. You have to give clear instructions to your brain in order for it to see and ‘draw’ into your life what you need to accomplish your goals. Just like the combination on a lock or the digits in a phone number or an ATM code, if the instructions are off by only one digit, they won’t work.

3. All Talk
Proclaiming your goal is just the starting point. Now you have to actually draw a map for exactly how you are going to get there and define the resources you’ll need to arrive safely.

4. Houston We Have a Problem
You must have your own command and control system to keep on track along your journey into the unknown.

5. Lack of Reinforcements
And don’t forget the support and guidance of people and resources you will need along the way. Before marching blindly into the next year, the first, and most important, activity is to take a look back at the year just finished. Take an inventory, add it all up and see how you did.


4 Steps to Handling Criticism

4 Steps to Handling Criticism

Effective leaders can’t please everyone, but they can make criticism constructive.

John C.  Maxwell

I grew up in a wonderful, loving, positive family. I don’t ever recall my parents criticizing anyone. It just wasn’t allowed in our family. So you can imagine the transition I had to make when I got out on my own and began to receive the stinging criticisms of those I was leading. In fact, one of the most difficult emotional hurdles I faced was in handling criticism. And finally a wise old friend told me, “John, if you’re getting kicked in the rear it means you’re out front.” What he was saying was if you’re going to be a leader, you’re going to be criticized. So get used to it.

The price of leadership is criticism. No one pays much attention to the last-place finishers. But when you’re in front, everything gets noticed. So it is important to learn to handle criticism constructively. The following four-step process, which I included in my book Leadership Gold, has helped when people criticize me as a leader. I would like to pass it on to you.

  1. Know yourself—    This is a reality issue.
  2. Change yourself—This is a responsibility issue.
  3. Accept yourself—This is a maturity issue.
  4. Forget yourself—This is a security issue.

1: Know Yourself


Aristotle said, “Criticism is something you can avoid easily—by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing.” Early in my career, I wanted to make everybody happy. It took me a couple of years to realize that if I was going to lead, there would be tough decisions that were going to make some people upset. I asked myself: Do I want to make people happy or do I really want to lead? I understood clearly that I had to begin to know who I was.

Over the years, people have tried to help me know myself. They often begin with the phrase, “I’m going to tell you something for your own good.” I’ve discovered that when they tell me something for my own good they never seem to have anything good to tell me! Yet, it’s these conversations that have helped me learn much about myself, including many weaknesses. I have realized that what I need to hear most is what I want to hear the least. And some of the best people who ever entered my life to teach me something were my critics, not my friends.

2: Change Yourself


In the process of handling criticism effectively, you not only need to know yourself but you have to change yourself. Aldous Huxley said, “The truth that makes you free is, for the most part, the truth we would prefer not to hear.” The John Maxwell translation of this is simple: You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

Here are the questions I ask myself to determine whether criticism is constructive or destructive.

Who criticized me? Adverse criticism from a wise person is more desirable than the enthusiastic approval of a fool.

How was it given? Were the words judgmental or did they give me the benefit of the doubt? In other words, what was the spirit in which the criticism was given?

Why was it given? Was it given to inflict a personal hurt or for my benefit?

Jonas Salk, who discovered the polio vaccine, had many critics in spite of his grand accomplishments. He once made this interesting observation: “People will tell you that you are wrong. Then they will tell you that you are right, but what you’re doing is really not important. Finally, they will admit that you are right and what you are doing is very important. But after all, they knew it all the time.”

Regardless whether the criticism was legitimate or not, I have discovered that my attitude toward words I do not want to hear determines whether I grow from them or groan beneath them. Therefore, I have determined to not be defensive when criticized, to look for the grain of truth, make the necessary changes and take the high road.

3: Accept Yourself


I saved the following quote from “Dear Abby” a few years ago because I love her definition of maturity. She says, “Maturity is the ability to stick with the job until it’s finished, the ability to do the job without being supervised, the ability to carry money without spending it, and the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.”

Maturity also enables you to accept yourself, which is the first step in becoming a better person. Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Leo Buscaglia counseled, “The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be.” If you worry about what people think of you, it’s because you have more confidence in their opinion than you have in your own. Judith Bardwick said, “Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself—your strengths and limitations— in contrast to depending on affirmation from others.”

4: Forget Yourself


While we are growing up, a lot of us spend a good deal of time worrying about what the world thinks of us. By the time we reach 60, we realize the world wasn’t paying much attention. Secure people forget themselves so they can focus on others. This allows us to be secure enough to take criticism and even serve the critic.

Secure people know who they are. They know they make mistakes and have weaknesses, but they don’t have to lower themselves to the level of what is being said about them. Secure people don’t have to defend themselves. And those who have reached this fourth stage also find it easy to laugh at themselves.

One of my favorite Chinese proverbs says, “Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves. They shall never cease to be entertained.” For years, I have laughed at myself because I’ve done some very foolish things. I even learned to laugh about a heart attack I had 10 years ago.

During my recovery time, I decided I would spend a day reflecting on what would’ve happened if I had died. What would my funeral service be like? How many people would show up? As everyone knows, the size of the crowd the day they bury you will be dependent on the weather. Next, what do they do after they put you in the ground? Yes, 30 minutes after you are buried, the biggest question on the minds of your family and friends is how to get to the community center the fastest to make sure they get some potato salad.

When it comes to criticism, it’s important to first understand that half of the stuff people say about you is true. So just take inventory, suck it up and change. And the other half they say about you is not—they are just revealing issues in their own lives. If you know yourself, you will know what you are good at and what you are not. Start changing the things that are real and forget yourself so that you can focus on others. Because the criticism will never stop. If you are able to get to this fourth stage, criticism won’t have a negative effect in your life. And that’s a big lesson I had to learn that has helped me as a leader, and I hope it helps you, too. “If you’re getting kicked in the rear, it means you’re out front.”

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